Duality

I'm 24 and already thinking "ah to be young again".

It just struck me that whoever gets to define words in the dictionary has quite a bit of power. To be the person or persons that determine the very meaning of, say, "love" is quite a privelage. A definition of a word only reaches so far and I suppose its also subjective. A word can mean one thing to many, but something quite polar to some random individual. How do we define love? How do we define responsibility? How do we determine the rules which life is to be lived by? Who gets to decide these things? I know, in my heart, that there is a voice, flowing in my blood, which speaks to the greater issues of life. This voice, above all dictionaries, seems capable of leading me to the definitions of me and all I feel and do. I can choose whether to listen or I can choose to deceive myself in order to cope with the shame that haunts me. Shame is a powerful motivating force which can move a man to do many things: lie, cry, commit suicide, run away, detach from feeling, or simply give up. I do not want shame in my life yet I constantly give it reason to take residence. My life is full of contradiction. I seek God, yet I seek myself. I plan to save money, yet spend it recklessly. I get angry when a car cuts me off, but don't think twice about cutting someone else off. I am far from perfect. I am beyond my own repair. I need the hand of one greater still. God is my savior, and I will stumble after Him all my life.