Emoting, unnecessary to read.

Why can't I defeat myself? The habits I've learned come and go, but they never leave. My lust seems inconquerable. My fear never far. I want to know what's on the other side of life. I want to know what its like to live in total union with God. Which has made me wonder how things would change if I spent months alone, speaking to Him in the wilderness. Would I start to really hear Him? I want to live completely. I want to live to the fullest capacity. I want that. I want to know if He is the perfect answer to the brokeness of my soul. The biblical answer is yes, but I don't feel that I've ever gone far enough, that I've ever devoted all of me to all He is. God, save me from my flesh. If I could just run away. Start new. Somewhere in the middle of nowhere. But really, the path I'm on, the path I think of running from, is in me and not around me. Wish I had the discipline to follow the example of Christ...