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Some and Others

I've been realizing how little I understand about what I believe. Some of the most basic principles of my life don't have solid answers to stand on. What is the point of believing something if you don't know why you believe it? Obviously faith requires a lack of proof to be called faith, but its not illogical to have some basis for your faith. Homosexuality, monogamy, vulgarity, vanity, they all have connotations attached. For many, the word homosexuality fires up feelings of disgust, of repulsion. For others, it arouses anger against conservative "close-minded" groups. Some people believe in sex with one lifetime mate. Others believe in experiencing this natural, beautiful human desire we've been created with instead of wasting so much time with religious rules. The same goes with language. In essence, we're talking about words. And that's all they are: words. They only carry meaning when a speaker gives it to them. Or do they? Do words hold more weight than we acknowledge? Which leads to the question: what is our responsibility? At what point are we let off the leash? At what point is the hearer responsible for his internal reaction. Is a vulgar joke always just a joke? Or can it be different depending on who is listening? Well, who really cares? A person who loves cares. A person who truly loves others considers their well-being and wants to lift others up rather than possibly tear them down. Whether we should, even as lovers of people, be constantly concerned with the impact of our words upon them is worth thinking about. I don't have all the answers. I really just have lots of questions. In the end, all I now is that love seems to be crucial. Love seems to be real and mending. Love is powerful and love is so vast and varied in its expression. So when I find myself unsure, I try to decide how I can best love those around me, to the glory of God.

Right Inside

What is it inside of me? My heart is boiling. I want to understand everything that's inside of me. I don't want to believe things just because other people do. Just because they won't be upset with me as long as I fit into their system. I want to boldly believe whatever I believe because I believe it. I could spend my entire life trying to please others, only to find out that they changed their own opinions and still didn't agree with me.
I must live life passionately. I must follow the Truth. I love God. I want to serve Him. I want to learn from Him. I trust in his Word, the living and written word. I do not want to live in shackled fear or suffocating timidity. I cannot be afraid to get things wrong. Its time to peacefully lash out at life. To give it all I have. To stretch the corners of my imagination, to color in my dreams. I want to use this body until its no good anymore. And when that day comes, I'll trade it in for a new and eternal one. But I do not want to waste what I've been given.
I want to love like God. I want to be like God. I want to be exactly what He would have me be. God is my life. He is my salvation. He is my everything. I want the peace which surpasses all understanding. I want the love that conquers death. I want the faith which moves mountains. I want to know the power of the Cross. I want to understand the mysteries of the universe.

The Influence of Entertainment

If I watch Superbad will I become dirtier and more sexual? If I listen to Marilyn Manson regularly, will I become more dark and sinister? If I read a lot of romance novels, will I start to see the world like one big serendipitous love story? How easily affected are we as humans? Are some people simply stronger than others? Is there a need to guard my eyes from certain images, my ears from certain sounds? Or it such resolve the result of needless and restrictive fear? I really wanna know, 'cause there's definitely a lot of crap out there and I don't wanna become a piece of it.



Another...



After reading these articles, I realized that it is obvious we're influence by music, movies, and all kinds of entertainment. We steal jokes, lines, looks, clothes, cars, from movies. Movie stars are the people everyone knows. Its like that one friend that we all have. They're the great connectors. So we all look at them, and notice the words they use, the clothes they wear, the way they live their lives. I've even found myself disliking certain actors because they always play bad guys. At some point I started to believe that's the type of person they were. We buy into movies. That's the point. We're supposed to suspend reality for a moment, and be taken into a story. We want to be taken away, to see people do extraordinary things. When they do, something in us stirs. We want to be them, to look like them, to act like them. So if a guy in a movie is really funny and makes the audience laugh a lot, wouldn't we want to use the same jokes? What if those jokes are demeaning to women, racist, or in some way offensive? Sure the guy or the writer may just be poking fun, but is that worth the hurt that someone may receive? What if a racist joke from the movie spreads and kids around the country start using it in school? What if a black kid starts hearing the joke? What about what he feels? Maybe I'm taking it too far. But words, pictures, sounds do move us and change our habits from time to time. Its worth thinking about.

A Million Chances

I hope I'm always given a second chance. Whether its my career, my love interest, my family, my friends, my dreams, I like to think that no matter how badly I screw up, I can always get a second chance.

I recently told a friend that they had missed their last chance. It was more a way of restoring my own pride. I'm not perfect(though many obviously think otherwise). There is a lot of weird stuff going on inside my head and my heart. A lot of it is fun weird, but some of it is just plain odd. I'm still learning how I work. How the past has affected me on the inside. Apparently as you get older, all your worst habits and insecurities start to surface. I'm constantly contradicting myself. Like with this friend. I drew a line that I never want drawn in front of me. People deserve second chances. People deserve a million chances. God has given us infinite grace. He forgives us over and over again. I constantly whore myself out to this world, because I'm looking for happiness. Its not a horrible desire I have. But I will not find what I'm looking for except through Him, in Him, with Him. I want to be at peace with myself and my life so that I can freely give grace to others. To that friend, though you won't read this, I'm sorry.