Directions
Its like this big wave just came crashing on top of me. A wave of regret for all the choices, all the directions I didn't go. Its the salty sting of the past solidifying itself, drifting further and further from me and my grasp. I feel like a jerk for the girls I'm sure I made cry. Toyed with their emotions because if I'd really ever had a perspective on myself I'd have been much more gentle and less aggressive with people's hearts until I knew definitively what I wanted. But we're supposed to live fearlessly right? Sure. But not selfishly.
And those friends and experiences in the desert and talks in the mountains. Those car rides with the flaming lips and friday nights with pizza and video games. I miss the memories I can barely remember. They're fading off in some direction I'm not headed. Why do we have to head in different directions? Why can't everything always be a part of everything else? Why can't we always be children and adults at the same time? I don't want to have to give up part of life to get another. This overwhelming feeling of regret. All these choices. All these lives and adventures that are going on that I'll never be a part of. I can only know that this is the case and let it be. Put it all in a box and move on. With the box in tow of course.
posted by Josh @ 10:56 AM
2 Comments
2 Comments:
Josh, you've gone more directions and had more experiences than a lot of people and I admire you for doing so. I don't think you have anything to regret as far as not taking advantage of an opportunity- that 's how I think of you- you take advantage of every opportunity. We can only make so many decisions that are really in our hands. You live big! You are about to go on a new journey- the journey of marriage! You'll feel like you left stuff/people behind, or could have gone a different route, but stay the course you have chosen, the one God has blessed and lead you towards! It is an adventure like no other and only pays off once you have overcome some of the obstacles along the way. Your love will grow even stronger than it is now- believe it or not! There is great freedom in the commitment you are about to make. The freedom to love and be be loved no matter what. These are usually the vows anyway and so many people forget their vows. I've watched too many friends go through divorces lately. I hate it for everyone. Evan's dad told him that over the many years of marriage, one can afford to have a cumulative handful of years that are bad, and yet still have an amazing marriage! (Put into my words). Don't be frightened of difficult times ahead, just know that it would be normal, and rejoice in the bride that God had given you! No regrets! for the past or what could have been!
hahaha! I see that you wrote this LAST february! Good. I was afraid you were reliving old times and wanted to encourage you to let them go! Well, some of the things I said are still worth saying... :)
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